Costanza

a parking sp-ce especially close to the entrance, usually the closest or second closest sp-ce.
“look at this parking spot! what a costanza!”
one that is tight with money.
dude, you’re such a freakin costanza.
a costanza is not being able to come up with a quick retort. instead of being able to think on the spot, a constanza thinks of a good comeback on the way home, in the car, the following day, two days later…

a costanza then tries to recreate the conditions under which he was originally insulted so he can fling back a witty retort. the results range from pathetic to miserable.

retortcomebackinsult
“costanza, the shrimp store called and they’re running out of you.”
a wallet bursting at the seams with an unusually large amount of non-monetary paper items and rarely used cards.
“tom has library cards and mcdonalds receipts dating back to 1978 in his costanza.”
front row parking. the closest, non-handicapped, parking spot to the location/ your destination.
“i couldn’t believe we found a costanza at the mall, as crowded as it was.”
an act of defication that is so strenuous it involves the removal of an article of clothing, especially the shirt.
after thanksgiving i usually have a costanza.
to set out to accomplish a life task, only to fail miserably right off the bat. usually done so in a humerously ironic manner that will make great campfire stories later on in life.

examples of a costanza would include, but are not limited to:

spilling hot chocolate on the girl you’ve just met, thus giving her 3rd degree leg burns and forever friending you by default.

falling into a gaping lawn hole while attempting to act suave whilst playing hot potato with various clothing items.

attempting to engulf any sort of hot vegetable whole without the aid of silver ware, thus creating an awkward situation along with severe tongue injuries.

sitting in a room, petting a dog’s -ss for 3 hours while your friends make moves on the girl you came there in the hopes of getting to know.

being caught with dubious amounts of contraband by an insane lawyer, then proceeding to forge a night’s worth of false doc-ments in order to prove your innocence.

chris: “so, you think that girl i met the other day will be there tonight? i really hope so, because she seems pretty cool.”

kyle: “yeah man, just don’t screw this up. play it cool, you’ll be fine.”

10 minutes after arriving to her house….
-chris spills hot chocolate all over the girl’s leg, and swallows a potato whole, then proceeds to pet the dog’s -ss the rest of the night out of shame and confusion-

kyle, mike, chris: “costanza!!!! co-stanza!!!”