crittering

one who takes and uses a resource meant for sharing in a manner similar to a small woodland critter, like a squirrel eating food. this person may abscond with food and eat it quickly in hiding, in order to avoid it getting taken from others who may claim it as theirs.
he spotted the girl crittering food at the party and cleverly won a dinner date with her later that night.
crittering, now an extremely prestigious and rewarding sport, was born of several ingenious high schoolers at wellsboro area high school, which is located in northern pennsylvania. this sport, which most heavily relies on booze, involves driving backroads all night, listening to 80’s music, consuming exorbitant amounts of alcohol, and then when the time comes, running over and beating wild animals to death with sticks. the typical animal would be either a porcupine, an opposum, a rabbit, or skunk if we are feeling that hard (we usually are) the conventional weapon of choice is an object that is both heavy and blunt: medieval maces, axe handles, baseball bats, pieces of chairs with nails through them, and finally the most glorious of all weapons, the two-by-four. camaraderie, self-sacrifice (ed), and vehicular-sacrifice (also ed) are also large components of crittering. when it comes down to it we just hate peta and beat hippies. “for every animal you don’t eat we’re going to beat three.”
“my god man, i can’t believe how far that opossum flew through the air when you punted it. crittering is the best sport on the planet!”

“it’s not that i hate animals…i just really despise peta.”

“opossum!!!”