Crouton Savage


a person who insidiously steals your croutons from your ever so delicious caesar salad. along with croutons, they also tend to steal those awesome tasty chunks of parmasean. these beings will go to extreme measures just to take your croutons, usually they will stab you with their fork in the process, but the barbaric extremities vary based on who the savage is.
jimmy: dude hide your salad right now!
paul: what why?
jimmy: because kimmy’s coming over here!
paul: i don’t–
jimmy: hurry up and do it paul!
paul: (hides salad) why?
jimmy: she’s crouton savage. (lifts sleeve to show scars). that’s why.
paul: is that from a fork?

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