da shubinator
da shubinator is an anomaly in the wild. though he has an extremely low self-esteem, he continues to prey on girls he knows he will never “get with”. he affectionately refers to them as “his b-tches”. his red hair is predominately kept short in his natural state. his frankenstein-esque face and swimmer’s physique don’t necessarily draw in the ladies. his life- trials, tribulations, and family trips to hooters (where the b–bs are big and the chicken is delicious) characterize this infamous man.
samuel was telling us about a da shubinator yesterday…
“early years
as a student at lloyd harbor da shubinator was known by his posse as “the man with the plan”—“a plan to rape little children” confides an insider. sporting a bright yellow jacket during his senior days (6th grade), shubie (as he was called then) engrossed himself in a whirlwind romance with a fellow student, lane. shubie was the big man on campus. “scoring chicks left and right”. it should be noted the amount of -ss shubie gets is inversely related to the price of roofies. “the amount of -ss he got wearing that yellow jacket could only be represented in scientific notation (the price of roofies dramatically decreased during this time) the market was in a recession and demand soared, while price dropped–most of this demand was…da shubinator”
present day
da shubinator is now a “s-xual camel”, going long stretches of time without any substance to maintain his s-xual energy. though, let it be noted, that he has recently added an application that rates girls on their s-xiness, and he has been known to send girls pictures of other semi-nude girls for evaluation.
though being shubinator is not all glamorous. “having his first kiss at the embarr-ssing age of 16 he feels lost and small in a predominately growing world” a shubinator undercover operative reveals. although, an exclusive interview revealed that the secret to shubinators success w/the ladies has been his record breaking smooth pick up lines and award winning smile. a smile that apparently runs in the family. his father was able to score mother lenore with his witty banter and intelligent views on such pertinent issues as library construction. inviting intelligent conversation to family barbeques everywhere.
da shubinator dreams of becoming an engineer or business executive. but more importantly he desires to open a mustang dealership in is hometown.”
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