Darien, Illinois


a city in illinois, in the subarbs of chicago. the slogan of this town is, “a nice place to live”. the slogan lies. there is absolutely nothing to do here, but there is a taco bell, a dairy queen, and dcp (darien community park). also, because this is such a boring town, a good portion of the teenagers here do drugs because they having nothing better to do with their time. so there’s something. chances are, if you are a teenager and you live in darien, you go to hinsdale south high school. south is a pretty good school, and was ranked 10th in the state. hinsdale south also has two astroturf fields, but no air conditioning. we suck at most of our sports, but we’re pretty alright at danceline and girl’s badmintion. the weather here f-cking sucks as well. our winters are cold as sh-t, and the spring is apparently as well. the weather for this summer has been cool and rainy, makes sense. clearly, this town sucks and i will move far away from here when i get older for sure. but hey, there’s a ton of drugs.
bob: so what’s there to do here in darien, illinois?
joe: absolutely nothing.
there’s not only a darien in connecticut, we exist too. darien, illinois is plainly considered ‘the most boring place to live’ by all of its teen-aged inhabitants. ironically, the slogan of this little town is that it is a nice place to live. there may not be a lot to do but there is a whole lot of drugs and it’s only a half hour from chicago which is one of the greatest places ever besides the fact that more than half the year is winter. the most exciting thing that goes around is drugs, we are weed nation. if you’re looking for a diverse town with its own la, darien is for you. not only is it “racially diverse” but it ranges from rich to poor, preppy to whatever the opposite is. along with that, if you’re looking for a good time, zero gravity is nearby, so crack up that fake id and go get wasted. the less socially inclusive kids do thrilling things such as see movies, and smoke weed at the many parks in the area. definitely the best place on earth to get high and f-ck sh-t up.
darien, connecticut: ohai, we are so rich and perfect.

darien, illinois: b-tch please, we got some weed all up in here.

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