Doucheweed

a person who demonstrates the arrogant, annoying selfishness of a douchebag and the shady, low, slimy character of a d-ckweed. not to be confused with a d-ckwagon. definitely not a drug.
johnny: a couple of my friends and i are going to smoke pot, want to join us guys?
dirk: yeah dude, let’s go!
kyle: sure, i’ll come, but then i’ll call crimestoppers afterwards to make money because i really want to get into a good college.
johnny (to dirk): isn’t kyle such a doucheweed? how does g-d even allow him to live?
an obnoxious, self-absorbed -ssf-ck with a low intelligence quotient, the reputation of a two-faced backstabbing curmudgeon, and a pretentious, often g-d-delusional, sense of self-worth. a doucheweed almost always has an exceptionally small p-n-s, demonstrates terrible character, expresses polarizing political views, and tells everyone the worst secrets told by “friends” in good faith. more often than not, a spoiled, pretentious rich white teenager.
wesley: yes, absolutely, i completely believe that the recent attempted -ss-ssinations in arizona were an acceptable expression of political dissent.
people: g-d, what a doucheweed!

wesley: (car stopped by a police officer) sir, what is your probable cause?
officer: get out of the car and get naked you little doucheweed, i am calling in the drug dogs.
wesley: if there is weed in my car, it’s catherine’s fault.
catherine: you doucheweed, i don’t do drugs! you do! don’t blame your drug problems on your girlfriend.
wesley: shut up and take the blame b-tch, i am going to succeed in life at the cost of your freedom.
narcotics officer: weed found, both of you are going to jail.
police officer: that’s what you get you little doucheweed! sorry that you’re dating such an -ssf-ck catherine!
catherine: (sobbing) me too!!!
a type of inhalant that douchebags are generally smoking when they are being “douchy”.
anti douche: wow you douchebag what are you smoking?
douche: uhhh ima dooochhhhbag
anti douche: you’re probably on doucheweed