Downey Syndrome

a condition caused by living, or being raised, in downey, ca. sufferers who grew up in downey and have since moved away will experience profound feelings of unsubstantiated nostalgia about their childhood home and may suffer from the delusion that downey is a great place to live; while the afflicted who currently reside in downey will display extreme frustration, confusion and despair, interspersed with periods of complete denial (“i’m probably going to move to orange county next year.”) those who grew up in downey and still live there are the most severely affected as they continually battle conflicting feelings of sentimentality and condemnation.

symptoms include: a tendency to inadvertently blurt, “go bears!” or “go ducks!” (depending on whether they attended, warren high school or downey high school) whenever the word downey is used, regardless of the context (“did you want to go see the new robert downey, jr. movie?” “go bears!” “no, iron man.”); an inability to control the impulse to compare all foods to that served at el taco; an inexplicable need to mention that karen carpenter was also from downey (followed by deep shame at their lack of control and anxiety that people will -ssume they like the carpenters) and feelings of superiority over those who reside in bell gardens, pico rivera, paramount and lynwood based on the misperception that downey is somehow less ghetto.
bob: so you’re from paramount?
jack: h-ll no! do i look like i’m from paramount? i’m from downey!
bob: what? like somehow being from downey is better than . . .
lori: shhhhhhhh . . . he can’t help it. he has downey syndrome.
bob: oh. sorry big guy. go bears!
jack: (clapping hands and laughing) yay!
1. the desire to be more like robert downey jr.
2. having a tremendous man-crush on robert downey jr.
sean: “i’m kind of worried about declan, he’s gotten three tattoos this week and i think he’s doing hard drugs- still, i respect and admire him.”

johnny: “yeah, his downey syndrome has been acting up pretty bad lately.”