Dr. Cox

an extremely sarcastic and truly awesome doctor dude on the show scrubs played by john c. mcginley and he is also jd’s mentor, but he won’t admit it. he also calls jd various girl names and calls elliot barbie.
about j.d
dr. c-x: uh, carla. carla, have you, uh, have you seen newbie?
carla: oh, he got off your leash?
dr. c-x: laughing give me a break. the kid’s like… he’s like a… have you ever seen a drunk baby?
carla stares at him
dr. c-x: eh, it’s a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it’s… it’s endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man… you take your eyes off them for one second…
hits the table
dr. c-x: …and bam! they got a bucket on their head, and they’re plowing right through your brand new flat screen tv.
whispering remorsefully
dr. c-x: g-d save me, it was barely out of the box.
carla continues to stare at him
dr. c-x: the point is… newbie is my drunk baby.

dr. c-x: oh, gosh, shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word. and now, in a reciprocal gesture, can i be included in the planning of your coming-out party?
j.d.: is that a gay joke?
dr. c-x: no, it’s a cotillion joke. my g-d, newbie, it’s been two furiously frustrating years – how is it possible that you still don’t get me? i would never compare you to the gays. i like the gays – i like their music, i like their sense of style, i especially like what they’ve done with halloween – but our thing is that you are a little girl. that’s who you are. but that’s really not fair…

dr. c-x: you know, the only way you could be more useless right now is if you actually were the wall. now, it certainly is true that you’d at least be serving a purpose – specifically a surface for a jack-ss to lean against – but it could be argued that this is more useless than doing nothing.
pause
dr. c-x: i know, it’s a conundrum but don’t you worry, i’ll noodle it for you right here. meanwhile, you just skip along, all right shirley?