Durphy
combination of the words “dark” and “murphy”. applies to any drunken d-ckhead that hails from the murphy clan. typically, this wrecking ball of a man is known for his over-the-top hygienic standards, strict adherence to a weight lifting plan, and cowardly good manners. however, when you provide this clean mean protein machine with absurd amounts of alcohol, a monster is born.
a creature of the night, a durphy can be seen roaming the streets, preying on ugly lehigh girls. tactics include using said girls’ camera to capture in-depth images of his d-ck sack region, stealing their alcohol, throwing their board games and food in the street for no reason, and belittling their perceived s-xual abilities.
durphys may exhibit a few physical symptoms. one symptom can be found in the eyes. if the subject’s eyes appear to be glazed over, with the white part now a deep black color, you may be dealing with a durphy. if the subject is usually known for being kind, caring, and considerate but now appears to be abrasive, offensive, and aggressive, you may be dealing with a durphy.
to prevent a durphy, avoid the drinking of any brown liquor. once durphy has emerged, the only way to stop it is to kill it. use a firearm of no less than a .30 caliber, as smaller calibers will only provoke a durphy. if using a shotgun stick with gauges 12 and above. again, smaller sizes will only make durphy more angry.
durphy: yo, let’s go make fun of those nasty b-tches down the road.
me: nah man. it’s four in the morning. we’ve been drinking for 11 hours now. i’m going to bed. you should do the same.
durphy: o, should i? yes sir, whatever you say, sir. hey why don’t you go sit on a broom or something, p-ssy.
me: whatever, bro.
durphy: no, not whatever. you’re a f-cking p-ssy dude.
-next morning-
murphy: dude, what happened last night? somewhere after the two consecutive power hours and 15 shots of jack, things just kinda went blank. i’m pretty sure i stole those chicks alcohol after i told them how nasty they all are.
me: g-dd-mn man, i think we may have seen durphy.
murphy: o f-ck me.
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