experience

what you need to get a job but can’t get a job until you have.
“do you have experience?”
“no”
“then i can’t hire you”
“why?”
“because you don’t have experience.”
“but if you hire me i’ll have experience in like a week!”
“that is irrelevant”
“so am i hired?”
“no.”
“why not???”
“because you don’t have experience”
“but-”
“just get out”
“no”
“out”
-whimpers, runs out, gives up on life, never leaves room, dies of starvation-
if you have it, you don’t need it.
if you need it, you don’t have it.
if you have it, you need more of it.
if you have more of it, you don’t need less of it.
you need it to get it.
and you certainly need it to get more of it.
but if you don’t already have any of it to begin with,
you can’t get any of it to get started with,
so you have no idea how to get any of it in the first place.

bottom line,

if you’ve never had any of it…ever. people just seem to know.
during his first time at the strip club, matt was promptly thrown out and savagely beaten in the parking lot for licking bunny’s balloon knot. needless to say, he did not make the same mistake twice after that experience.
partic-p-ting in something so many times, that they have learned a lesson in it.
uncle al took the stairs instead of the elevator with dad. for he knew from experience my father’s farts and elevators are a deadly combination.
those learned behaviors which prejudice against re-marriage.
if experience leads to wisdom, then ex-perience should never lead to wife-dom.
ahem, ud, ex-perience.
experience / knowledge gained by virtual means. depending on the topic of study, can be equally or more effective than experience gained irl.

pr-nounced “eek-sperience”.
i got some e-xperience from online tutorials and writing exercises.
a s-xual act that was, for lack of better words, weird.
“so baby, what did you think of my double-alaskan-semi-c-ckadoodledoo-rainstorm?”

“uhhh…. it was……… uh… an…. experience….”
buzzword for “past failure.”
example 1: “who knew biking in the alps is hard? it was a good experience.”

example 2: “i have lots of experience in that field. before i was laid off.”
an unusual disgusting bowel movement. often watery in nature. it generally will be remembered for some time.
ryan must have had a crazy experience because that bathroom stinks.

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