Extreme Eugene Kanning
the extreme version of the popular sport, eugene kanning. a canadian past time originating from the deep woodlands of eugene, british columbia. the home of hobbits, elves and the occasional mogwai.
akin to arena football, this athletic activity consists of a bag of rice, one goat, the tears of britney spears, and a lonely obese british girl with questionable taste in men. the game is played over a period of five hours and the winner gains the affection and hand of a fair maiden that has ripened with age. leading to a life of scattered happiness, broken dreams and premature balding on the chest and left thigh. the latter causing the end of a bright future in bollywood. this game should only be played thirty minutes after eating and never on an empty stomach. instagramming every other second is a necessity. memes are recommended. never run with scissors at the pool.
76% of all asian males that have gone extreme eugene kanning have developed a rare case of huxtabate syndrome.
as an impressionable youth in the heyday of the american depression, i was a dedicated fan of extreme eugene kanning. the canadian sport taught me the ins and outs of p-b-rty, bench presses and how to win at jenga. i later learned that the matches were faked and hulk hogan used steroids. it hurt my soul, but i still watch extreme eugene kanning matches on espn every spring. it reminds me of the day i learned how to use chopsticks and proposed to my wife.
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