fart parenting

fart parenting is a method of parenting focusing on attachment and comfort. either the mother or father of a new born baby will fart near their infant’s face, with particular care to ensure the baby smells the fart. each human has distinct and unique ‘signatures’ in the molecules of their farts and it’s believed that when a baby is repet-tively exposed to these fart molecules, they will feel comfort and bond with their parent. fart parenting involves each parent farting as often as possible in the face of their new born baby for a period of up to a year. it’s important to keep exposing the child to the fart molecules for a year to form that strong, rich bond. fart parenting is part of a new wave of parenting methods among crunchy mommies, and promoted by groups like, mères sans vaccins (mothers without vaccines). fart parenting was nominated for a long gr-ss award for parenting trend of the year in 2016, but it lost out to the bird feeding method.
i fart parented my triplets; earthmoon, atticus, and felix-lexus. they all loved my fart parenting and remember it fondly because i continued it until their 7th birthday with their breast feeding. fart parenting promotes a healthy immune system that negates any need for toxic vaccinations.