faux dj

a new cl-ss of dj that is beyond the “press play dj” you all are used to. faux dj’ing consists of any of the following dj no no’s while on stage, but not limited to:

social media moments “ie. facebook live” – aka stage basking
big drop with both hands in the air – aka the rollincoaster
fake kn-b touching – aka kn-b mobbin
using headphones that sound awful and aren’t insulated – ie. beats, skullcandy, or any earbuds – aka dullcandy headphones
playing cl-ssic techno hits remixed into top 40’s edm – aka re-rubadub refix remix bootleg
staying in a groove for less than 1 minute “unless playing hip hop, breaks, or scratching” – aka faux limit soldier
no cueing – aka cueless
no beat matching – aka cheat matching
audible bpm track transitions – no headphones or hands needed “proof is in the pre-production” – aka propagation validation
hugging your compet-tion in front of “your” fans – aka busyness practices
magically morphs into dj preacher – aka microfaux hero
sandstorm by darude is for private listening only! “darude would agree” – aka blandstorm
jim: dude, you wanna hit up that festy with us this weekend?
bob: who’s all playing there?
jim: only some of the biggest and best dj’s ever!
bob: sweet! is this a dmc championship?
jim: whats a dmc championship?
bob: nevermind, and no, i’m not paying to see a bunch of faux dj’s.

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