First Aunt Jemima
the wives of the first 43 presidents were given the t-tle of “first lady”, but that was the past. that’s an old t-tle from the old united states.
it’s a new world and it is time for change. therefore, its time for a new t-tle for the president’s wife.
since america has a capitalist economy and a president has become more of a figurehead than a leader, and being a good figurehead means being a consumer wh-r-, the new t-tle for the president’s wife will be used for advertising sp-ce and product placement.
every four years starting now, a corporation will pay the white house a m-ssive amount of money to brand the president’s wife with their product name, and the wife will be referred to as “first
this presidential term’s wife name advertis-m-nt slot has already been purchased by aunt jemima.
so, that means mich-lle obama is the nation’s first “first aunt jemima”.
it is oddly coincidental that she strongly resembles aunt jemima. if you don’t believe me, next time you are in the grocery store look at a bottle of aunt jemima… they look so much alike they could be twins!
also, she’s a black chick, and everyone knows black chicks know how to cook.
imma go have a pancake with a bottle of mich-lle obama now…
person a: “hey, you know that closeted muslim that isn’t even half as black as tiger woods and is primarily middle-eastern and white? the guy people only say is black because black people want to feel included and have a reason to justify going on a power trip and pulling the slavery card again, and the white people feel obligated to go along with the black people because they’re too afraid that if they formed their own opinions they’d be called racists? umm… the guy with the big ears and questionable motives… the one who uses his ethnicity as a scapegoat, but still claims to be against people who are racially biased. i keep forgetting his name…”
person b: “it’s not ringing any bells…”
person a: “hmm… oh yeah, his middle name is hussein and he made it obvious that he intends to -n-lly rape the country and spend a lot of money that’s not his to spend. what’s his name again?”
person b: “oooooh! you mean that douche bag, barack obama! what about him?”
person a: “he’s married to the first aunt jemima.”
person b: “wow, she’s waaaay too good for that nappy headed moron that got elected president.”
person a: “true dat! i hear the first aunt jemima makes a mean stack of pancakes too!”
person b: “hayull yeah! i’d tap that.”
person a: “me too.”
person b: “…”
person a: “…”
person b: “i’m bored… let’s go throw vegetables at old people.”
person a: “okay!”
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