first violinist
if orchestra were mean girls, the first violinists would be the plastics.
first violinist: on wednesdays we wear pink.
cellist: nice bow. what’s it made out of?
first violinist: your mom’s chest hair!
conductor: why are you playing so quietly?
first violinist: i’m a mouse, duh.
flautist: what’s up with the b-ssist? i feel like she’s hiding something.
first violinist: that’s why her instrument is so big. it’s full of secrets.
oboist: what do you have against the concertmaster?
b-ssoonist: she’s a life ruiner. she ruins people’s lives.
concertmaster: i can’t play pachelbel. i’m on an all-romantic repertoire. g-d, karen, you are so stupid!
first violinist: if you’re from the viola section, why are you good?
concertmaster: oh my god karen, you can’t just ask people why they’re good.
first violinist: she doesn’t even go here!
conductor: do you play in this orchestra?
soprano: no, i just have a lot of feelings.
clarinetist: made out with my instrument? omg that was one time!
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