Flap Gliding
flap gliding is an extreme sport originating from russia circa 1992. it involves the stretching of a womans l-b– to proportions sufficient that they can be used in the event of a fall from great height as ‘wings’.
believed to have been inspired by the invention of winged panty-liners, the first known incident occured after a prop failure on a microlight caused the female pilot to bail out without a parachute. her fall from 12,700ft left her uninjured as she landed safely 28 miles from her origin.
the modern incarnation of the sport is typically contested by couples due to the rigourous training and preparation invovled. the ‘pilot’ wears a custom vertical saddle pole which generates a vacuum, upon which the ‘wing’ will sit, using her body as a rudder. the pilot will then grasp the excess l-b– meat and position his body in a star pose, pulling the l-b– taught in the process. whilst novices often use ankle clamps for added tension, veterans will grip solely with fingers and toes.
with the growing popularity of the sport a compet-tive league has been suggested. it is understood that red bull are in sponsorship negotiations.
gareth: what did you get up to at the weekend?
jon: well, the weather was nice so mel and i went flap gliding.
gareth: ooo…i hear that’s fun?
jon: it’s good for the back too.
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