Fuck your canoe
a joke involving usually three or more parties, a cannibal tribe, and some form of utensil used for stabbing.
an englishman, a frenchman, and a czech are out exploring, and they’re captured by cannibals. the king of the cannibals says “we’re going to eat you now, because we’re cannibals and that’s what we do. but we’re not savages like we used to be, so we’re not going to torture you for three days first…in fact, you can kill yourselves any way you like, we don’t care.”
the explorers all look rather crestfallen at this news, and the chief hastens to re-ssure them: “oh, i know what you’re thinking, we’ve seen it before—you’re thinking your life has been a waste, you’re going to die out here for nothing, and so on. well, let me -ssure you, that just isn’t true. we’ll use your skin to make our excellent canoes, your hair to make twine, and we’ll eat every edible part of you. so really, it’s not a waste at all. now, please get on with it.”
the frenchman says “vive la france”, and slits his throat.
the englishman takes his gun, says “g-d save the queen”, and shoots himself in the head.
the czech pulls out a fork and starts stabbing himself—first in the thigh (ouch!), then in the side (yow!), then in the lower leg (argh!)…finally the king of the cannibals says “my god, what are you doing??!!”
and the czech stabs himself with the fork again and says…”f-ck your canoe.”
f-ck your canoe (fyc) is the most amazing yet indescribable saying. it can be used in the same contex as f-ck you with “canoe” referring to a specific target aimed to be f-cked.
girl: hey can you help me carry this bag?
guy: f-ck your canoe!
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