Gallipolis


a small town located in south-eastern ohio on the ohio river. the town has a population of less than 5,000 and thus tends to be a very tight-knit place. everybody knows everyone, and even scarier, everyone is related to everyone else. the locals always say that there is nothing to do, aside from the movies or hanging out at wal-mart. there is stuff around, but not anything that generally appeals to anyone under the age of 40. the town is full of rednecks, hicks, old retired folks, welfare suckers, and wiggers. most of the high school kids only talk of how they can’t wait to get out of gallipolis. almost everyone you see drives a beat up 20 year old car, smokes, and dresses like a sk-nk. it is a very safe town, though, mostly because even the criminals can’t stand it here. gallipolis has a few claims to fame, however. bob evans, founder of bob evans restaurants grew up here, and of course there is the mothman legend from nearby point pleasant.

larry: bob is such a loser.
bill: shut up…he’s my cousin…and my uncle…and my nephew…because i’m from gallipolis.

bill: watch how fast i can drive.
larry: watch out for that old person and the mothman.

larry: hey…lets go eat at bob evans and then go to wal mart!
bill: yeah! sounds like fun
a small town in south-eastern ohio, sitting right on the ohio river. it was settled approx. 1790 by the french, and approximately 1/3 of the local businesses have the word french in their t-tle. also, everyone knows everyone and is related to nearly everyone, probably due to inbreeding. the downtown part of gallipolis is pretty but venture out too far and you find ghettos, amish, and backwoods rifle totin rednecks. the soul source of entertainment in the town is a trip to walmart, which is also the cultural center of the town. bob evans, founder of bob evans restaurant, is from this area, giving it its one true claim to fame, aside from the famed silver bridge, which fell into the ohio river circa 1967. there is also the rumor of the mothman in nearby point pleasant, wv. the town also basically revolves around the jr. fair, which happens every august. all the true locals constantly wear flannel shirts, carhart pants and work boots, overalls are a suitable subst-tution. most womoen you meet will likely have more facial hair than the men, can run a tractor with ease, and will likely not know the meaning of victoria’s secret. overall, “g-town” is a good place to live, unless it is constant excitement you seek.
bob: larry is such an idiot.
bill: shut up…he is my cousin…and brother…and uncle…because we’re from gallipolis

bill: wanna go hang at wal-mart?
bob: wal-mart! yippee!!!!

bill: watch how fast my car can go…
bob: look out for that amish buggy and the mothman!!

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