Gayal

a gayal is a form of aquatic mammal found in parts of rural staffordshire, cheshire and shropshire. gayals are commonly characterised by: diagonally projecting fringes, highly luminous foreheads, seal-like flippers and large pectoral muscles. such creatures have good temperaments, making them easy to bully without the risk of retaliation. due to their aquatic nature, gayals frequently have difficulty distinguishing between colours such as blue and purple, as a result of this the aforementioned colours are often mixed up in the eyes of a gayal.
gayals are often employed by both circuses and county councils, meaning they are so wealthy that they can afford to go shooting at the weekend and drive expensive, gas-guzzling cars, such as the skoda octavia.
gayals live and breed within large family groups, usually consisting of around 300-500 gayals. the collective name for a group of gayals is a parliament.
gayals are highly vocal creatures; often embarking on long rants about the economic climate, bus timetables and skoda depreciation rates. such rants occur using a low, rumbling voice – often completed using one breath.
gayals frequently shed their hair; zoologists have yet to detect hair on either the legs or armpits of a gayal – it is believed that venus razors are used to remove such hair. gayals can also often be seen wearing tank-tops underneath red, satin bath robes.

an organisation called ‘save the gayals’ seeks to conserve and protect these endangered creatures from the a.l.f.
person: name three things you hate.
gayal: vat, income tax and the poll tax.