grim creeper
the biggest creeper of them all! someone who stalks, stares too long, doesn’t talk to you but looks at you from a distance a lot, uses the word ‘creeper’ to refer to any male stranger that hits on her, basically out of all the people i’ve met, dana barnes
dana barnes would always look at me out of the corner of her eye, would talk to other people about me, using my facebook mini-feed as a reference (since we were ‘friends’ on facebook just through mutual people). and one day the weird staring got me thinking, maybe she likes me and i should at least break the ice. then she calls me a creeper for saying “hi”. wow, i wonder where dad was growing up, for she has a lot of issues. you, dana barnes, are dubbed the grim creeper!
what is the grim creeper? it’s that girl or guy who creeps over after a hard night’s drinking at the bar. you know the kind, when you strike out and the only option you have left is that number on your phone you keep telling yourself that you will never call again, yet you leave it in your phone. if you find yourself with a grim creeper in your room, remember:
1. put together a grim creeper safety kit.
make sure you’ve got latex gloves in there, because most grim creepers claim to have latex allergies. this may be a ploy so you’ll have unprotected s-x with them and catch the cooties and maybe make a baby.
2. all field hockey players are grim creepers.
there is absolutely no exception to this rule. if you play field hockey, you are a grim creeper. no question.
how to recognize a grim creeper…..
if you’re at a college party, rodeo, carnival or morgue, there’s a good chance you’ll cross paths with one. if you’re unsure whether or not it’s definitely one and don’t want to risk sucker-punching an innocent person, ask yourself these three questions:
is the person drunk?
is the person constantly groping their crotch (crabs)?
did the person excuse themselves to visit the restroom with two middle-aged bartenders and their dog?
if you answered yes, you’ve got a grim creeper on your hands. run away!!!!
oh look, i’m in st. joseph at the muny!!! this place is full of grim creepers!!!!!!
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