Haslett High School
a high school in michigan in the lower peninsula. not too much happens there, but thats just what they want you to think!
haslett high school is secretly a nuclear missile silo with each warhead pointing at gumpy canada. invasion from those dirty canucks is no secret, so why not make a high school into a missile silo? thanks to specialized military training, every student of haslett high school is a covert military ninja of death. the next time you visit dreary haslett, be sure to ask about their nuclear program and someone will be more than happy to tell you about it.
deep within the school is not only the home of three thousand nukes, but several hundred fighter jets and helicopters. those weapons may seem conventional and sissy but haslett is secretly the testing ground of future american weapons. for instance, the flaming shark surfboard and a 20 foot long “rectal bulb syringe” capable of giving a canadian an enema a mile away are a few among the many deadly weapons within haslett’s -rs-nal.
sure haslett high school might have sucky sports teams and mediocre act scores, but when it comes to covert military operations, haslett is number one!
cheney: maple syrup bombs are everywhere! they’re gonna hit in 5 minutes!
p-ssing school children: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! our parents are gonna die!!!
bush: d-mn, its the canadians! protect america from those syrupy terrorists! launch those missiles haslett!
-total ownage of canucks-
america: hooray for haslett high school!
-ticker tape parade, new haslett postage stamps, and more awtzum stuff fo’ haslett happen-
note for readers: please don’t be offended, i mean c’mon… it’s just canada! sheesh, anyway justin is awesome.
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