Hipster mullet

a hipster mullet is a hairstyle or hairdo, similar in volume to the rockabilly mullets sported by country legend billy ray cyrus and tv star richard dean anderson (better known as macgyver) in the early 90s. the hipster mullet is an updated version of the rockabilly mullet, but infused with “alternative” elements such as neon highlights or extreme differentials between the length of the mullet piece (hair at top of head) and the hair on the sides and back of head, which might be shaved down to mere stubble. by shaving the back and sides down, the mullet piece is emphasized, thereby increasing the irony of the hairdo.

the hipster mullet has been adopted by hipster males and females alike. while a male hipster mullet and a female hipster mullet are similar, a male hipster mullet is often accompanied by additional moustaches, moustachios, beards, goatees, chinstraps, and designer stubble. for both males and females, the hipster mullet is typically accented by “larger than life” sun spectacles, worn at all times of year and in all light levels. stiegl and pabst are thought to provide nutrients such as provitamin b5 that improve mullet volume and sheen.

the hipster mullet is best observed in urban parks, in independent cafes, at alternative music gigs, and at college art shows, during the working hours of non-hipsters.

the hipster mullet is closely related to other updated hairstyles, such as the hipster mohawk and the hipster rattail.
“daschiell, did you read my tweet from five minutes ago??”

“sorry sabine, i’m still trying to update my blog on the weak wi-fi signal that everyone in this independent cafe is stealing from the starbucks nextdoor. what was your tweet about?”

“it was about how bitsy and flavius are sporting matching hipster mullets today! they are practically identical, except for the purple curls in hers and the neck beard growing out of his!”

“i hope they didn’t see that you called them hipsters! they’ll go apoplectic!”