hostage crisis
a one-way conversation wherein the p-ssive partic-p-nt cannot break away from the one who is speaking, despite the tediously protracted p-ssage of time. this is a common manifestation of f-cktardation.
the ‘hostage taker’ often falls into (but is certainly not limited to) one of these categories:
1. the drunk person with whom one is barely acquainted, but who adamantly refuses to recognize their lack of a substantial past connection with the hostage and continues to shout about themselves over whatever noise is happening at the bar/club/concert/tractor pull
2. a person who has experienced a recent break-up, and feels compelled to verbally re-hash the experience ad nauseum
3. someone who habitually takes otherwise harmless small talk to the worst possible extreme, talking the ear off of anyone who will listen about insubstantial trivia because they cannot comprehend the beauty of conversational brevity
person one: “hey dangus, how did things go at your family reunion?”
person two: “sketchy! i got spotted by my drunk–ss aunt…the b-tch talked my ear off for an hour about her divorce, like i give a sh-t…her crackhead ex is probably getting his fudge tunnel reamed in some sketch pad right now. the hostage crisis went on for so long that i was getting desperate…so i farted really loud on purpose while she was talking, and then remarked, ‘hey, did you hear what that -sshole said?’ the lush’s mouth dropped open and i bailed…crisis averted!”
1 more definition
to take a heavy sh-t.
– “hang on, i’ll be right back. i’ve got a hostage crisis”
– “i had a sucsessful hostage relese”
– “the hostage crisis was a rough one. the release didn’t go as planed.”
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