Igei

the igei is a strange, insect-like creature which in the day resembles a human being. it’s human form can be recognised by it’s pimple struck face, long, blonde fringe and when sited on his ever present mountain bike will never be seen sitting down.

although resembling a human being in the sunlight hours, that is where the similarities cease. unlike a regular human being, who will never like someone who down right hates them, an iegi is completely clueless. it is known on several occasions to bring up thier love for the victim, then when anyone addresses the issue, goes ape-sh-t and threates to kill you with a hotwire (more on this later). the igei will also not have any understanding of rejection, and even when the victim has clearly stated, face to face, that the answer to “will you go out with me?” is no, ask whether they have an answer yet.

the igei asked his victim whether they would go out with him one day, and the victim, not wanted to hurt the insect’s feelings, said “i’ll think about it”. the next day igei asked a friend, the victim’s ex, to see what the answer is. the friend went and asked, and came back with a “sorry, but no”. a week later, igei, seeming to have forgotten the last weeks answer, sent the ex away again. the ex returned with the same answer, but this didn’t stop him. the igei has been rumored to several months after the original queston was asked, has say “i wonder if -victim- has an answer for me yet?”.

another relationship failure the igei has is that he needs the conversation to be about his love, and will turn the conversation to it whenever possible. at a party the igei attended (somehow retaining his human disguise) it is said to announce that he will in no way call his victim, but then when people didn’t respond by arguing with him, he announced that he would call her.

the igei, besides being a complete failure in relationships, has many other distinctive qualities. the igei insists on throwing fakes to no one everytime he has the basketball, start a dribble with an incredably high bounce, and is a member of the “possesion wh-r-s” club.

other groups the iegi is included in are the bmx bandits, the dirt humpers, the “my dad’s hotwire is so much better then this cr-ppy dt hotwire” club, the “i can’t handle rejection” club, the “i’ll kill you with workshop tools” club, and the “guess what i did in campaign the other day” club
at a party, igei, dee, madcatz, the bear, the yeti and the donkey are sitting on various beds, playing halo 2. the conversation goes as follows…

madcatz: … haha i just stuck with a well placed, pre-planned plasma grenade throw
the bear: madcatz… i’m fair sure bears have bigger d-cks then cats…
igei: hey guys, just like to let you know theres no way i’m calling -victim-
the donkey: ok… good for you

— 10 minutes later —

igei: ok guys, do you dare me t call -victim- now??
the bear: go ahead igei, fill ya boots…
igei: but there’s no way i’m going to do it with you guys in the room!
the yeti: … ummm ok…
igei: get out!

— everyone leaves the room —

igei: i’m not calling -victim-!!!
the bear: for f-cks sake…