Jizzragathism
the religion of the popular cult iphone/ipad game disc drivin’. in j-zzragathism, the supreme being’s spirit is split between two bodies, that of discus christ (michael bean, creator and heavenly leader of disc drivin’) and j-zzus christ (j-zzrag5000, the chosen one who sacrifices himself for the gold medals of others). the main center of worship of j-zzragathism is the timothy howard temple (also referred to as the timothy jamarquiz howard stadium), and all followers are called to take a pilgrimage to the holy location at least once a day. open practice of the religion, however, is encouraged for all members to practice wherever there travels may take them. common phrases used to greet fellow j-zzragathists include “goml be with you” which is responded with “and also with you,” and “thine (or mine) thun thun has dropped.” possibly the most miraculous events to occur in the religion was the sermon of the turkey leg. it was on this day that j-zzus christ ascended into his final form and let forth a prophecy that, one day, all followers of disc drivin’ will unite in organized tournaments. some eyewitness reports have said the turkey leg through which this vision came about immediately burst into a million discs upon the delivery of j-zzus christ’s message. this act is symbolic of j-zzus christ’s previous prophecy that all the paid discs will be released from their slavery and open for all drivers to use, free of charge.
john: “you going to church on sunday?”
prince nokomungu: “no, i follow j-zzragathism, and we worship in temple on weekdays.”
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