Lake City
the holy land for the end-timers, lake city’s most (in)famous religious group. here in lake city, we take pride in our walmart, the bowling alley, and ever crowded taco bell. the latter of which is the feeding ground of many thriving teenagers who live there. lake city is the “gateway” to florida, referring to the fact that we’re in between many major cities such as, gainesville, jacksonville, etc – all of which can be reached within 30 minutes to 2 hours. lake city is full of diversity from your country folks (ahem, rednecks) to your musically challenged youth (“scene/punk/angry/insert stereotype here” kids). whether your just p-ssing through or permanently stuck here, you’ll find absolutely nothing here. other than that, it’s just a plain ‘ol qaint town.
“lake city? wasn’t that mentioned in that att&t commercial?”
“yeah! where the bikini was made, apparently.”
a sh-ty little sh-t hole of a town in florida full of mainly rednecked/trailer trash/pr-cks who don’t know their head from their -ss. it would at least bring them some f-cking confidence to “brush there teeth” and “take showers” and learn to read. most the people who live there are looking forward to growing up, and getting the h-ll out of that place.
tourist: where is the mall?
lake city guy: you mean da flea market¿
tourist: um… where would i find a computer?
lake city guy: you mean dem technology box’s
tourist: what do you do for fun around here?
lake city guy: we got some chickens for the women… and you can go cown tippin’ but aint let that farmer catch ya cause he shoot will shoot ya. last time he shoot my pinkie
the most boring town in the fricken universe!!!! we ont even hve an outback!!!! i mean come on!!! oh! but we have a starbucks, when we got that my heart leaped a lil! and whats up with all the rednecks!!!
so where u from? (person #1)
lake city, fl! the best darn tootenist town ever!. (person #2)
shut up!! n-body like you!! lake city sucks!!! (angered wife of #2)
a sh-tty little sh-thole of a town that happens to be stuck in the past and is full of mainly redneck/trailor trash/pr-ck/ jesus fanatics who don’t know their head from their -ss. it would at least bring them some confidence to ” learn how to spell “and to have ” better hygiene ” most of the people with sense that live there are looking forward to growing up and getting the h-ll out of that place.
the worst place you could ever visit is lake city.
lake city is full of the raddest -ssed rednecks, the best agriculture cl-ss in all of florida (we have awards), also had a bad -ss punk scene around 2006, but everyone went sh-t faced nuts and now the scene sucks.
you have to have an imagination to live here or you’ll die of boredom.
person 1: so did you go to that show?
person 2: yea it was at msc drunk trey ran over someone but didn’t get in trouble because his dads the mayor
person 1: ah cool
lake city is a tiny town, and we don’t want you comin round
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