Lo Pan
the perpetuator of -ss kicking
“lo plan kicked my -ss so hard, i’ll never go back to china.”
born in china (200 b.c.e.) and pressumed to be killed in san francisco, ca (1986), lo-pan is the ultimate manifestation of -ss-kickering and pwnage. once a great warrior, lo-pan was cursed with the curse of “no flesh” by the first sovereign emperor qin shi huang. although lo-pan can be temporarily granted a decrepit body by supplication to the gods, in order to permanently break the curse and regain his human form, he must marry a woman with green eyes. simply marrying her will please ching dai, the g-d of the east. but to satisfy the emperor, he must sacrifice her.
not only a centuries-old -ss kicker, lo-pan is an entrepreneur and gansta. under the fake and fiendlishly clever alias of “david lo-pan”, he is the head of the wing kong import-export trading company and the head of the street gang, the “wing kong”. lo-pan is also responsible for the -ss-ssination of the leader of the chang sings, a rival street gang who had absolutly no idea how brutally bad-ss lo-pan was.
among lo-pan’s amazingly kick-ss skills are the use of the “needle of love” to marry any b-tch he wants to, the ability to deflect crystal missiles, lvl. 73 green beam projection, and materialization of chinese warriors with swords.
lo-pan = m-ssive pwnage
best ut player ever
1337 pwnzor
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