loafism

loafism:

(one who practices loafism shall be called a loafismer)

you may ask, how does one become a loafismer? well, an angel has this to say upon the very subject: “at worship services new members may be initiated into loafism, if found acceptable.” there are no other requirements because we don’t need a better reason.

a set of beliefs one can follow, but you really don’t have to, these are purely suggestions.

loafism and the individual:

a list of commandments:

-thou shall worship ska, the holiest form of prayer
-thou shall play more than one musical instrument
-thou shall worship thine holiest form of transport, the loafmobile (hazard lights and windshield wipers are not optional and driving forwards or using the gear symbolized by a number or the letter “d” is also generally frowned upon, seatbelts required or you may become the target of shoefu, explained later)
-thou shalt not underestimate the awesome power of sleep
-thou shalt not perform ch-r-s, or appear to find solace in ch-r-s
-thou shalt not enjoy homework…. ever!

if you fail to heed these

you may end up getting yourself “loafed”

loafed: to be punched suddenly for an insult and or any form of disrespect. unless the offense annoys the cr-p out of a fellow loafismer, then the ritual of shoefu ensues, but one can forgo protocol and just skip loafing, because there really isn’t a protocol!

shoefu: “the national sport of loafism which is practiced throughout most worship sessions. this compet-tion takes place whenever a believer may get on another’s nerve, or may be practiced purely for amus-m-nt. the act of shoefu is accomplished by removing one’s own foot apparel and bludgeoning another fellow loafismer.”
loafism, for those of us to lazy to pick a religion.