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an absolute sh-tehole of a place located somewhere between the villages of -rs–end and of-nowhere on irelands lush central plain. the poorer cousin of its sister towns of athlone and mullingar, longford is stuck in a time warp somewhere between the dark ages and 1989.

activities on offer in longford include:
-living in a council house,
-being a dole-scrounger,
-having five kids when you’re only sixteen,
-wearing tracksuits if you’re male and hoop earrings if you’re female,
-using the words “bure” and “sham” ad-nauseum,
-being from longford.

places of interest in the town are:
-the dole office,
-erm………..the dole office….?

characters of interest in the town include:
-writer oliver goldsmith who lived near the town for a period some years ago,
-the entire staff of the dole office,
-that bure from teffia park who gave her sister a hidin’ cos she caught her shiftin’ this other one behind pvs last sat-rday night and no one in her family’s gonna be a f-ckin’ dyk-.

if you would like to visit longford, then i can only urge you to seek urgent psychiatric -ssessment.
pavee 1: sell many gates in longford today?
pavee 2: ya must be f-ckin’ jokin’. i wouldn’t go near that f-ckin’ sh-thole. sure they’d f-ckin’ fleece the gates and kneecap ya in that kip.
pavee 1: but…we live in longford.
pavee 2: oh yeah….let’s go and kneecap someone for the craic.
pavee 1: nah, i’m due down the dole office. c-nts are threatenin’ to cut me benefits.
pavee 2: shower o’ crawlin’ b-st-rds. let’s kneecap them.
pavee 1: fair enough.
even place
good stuff
the most fantastic place in ireland to live. people who live in longford are kind hearted,beautiful and fun loving people. they know how to have a good time.

longford is the no. 1 choice of county for people to live in ireland.

longford scenery is just as nice and beautiful as the people that inhabit the county.
lovely longford
a sh-tty old town in victoria, australia that only has 1 store, that just happens to be run by inbred derro’s.

most people who live in longford are too f-cking lazy to shower and therefore have a sh-tload of dandruff in their mushroom shaped haircut.

the water will give you a disease unless you filter it with many separate filters.
———-
scott: “what the f-ck is that on jack’s back?”

trav: “i dunno, let’s ask him. oi jack! wtf is that on ur back/shoulders?”

jack: “urghh my brother put a tissue in the washing machine?”

scott: “you dont own a f-cking washing machine you derro.”

trav: “dandruff-boy says what?”

jack: “what? it’s a longford tradition!”
———-
the most fantasitc place in the country to live. the people who live in longford are kind hearted, nice , beautiful people.

ballianmuck, drumlish and the surrounding areas are the best places to live in longford altough due to their popularity they are filling up quickly.

alot of people, if given the chance would move to longford.

the scenery in longford is just as nice as the people who live in it.
longford
longford, the coolest last name which any family could possess. they are kind hearted and have a good spirit about them. do not trust them!!
tegan: hey, did u see that longford over there?
ashleigh: yeah they are mighty fine specamins! i would totally tap them up the -ss with a stick!
tegan: oh i meant that ugly longford person over there..
ashleigh: so they have a great toosh and big cans 😉