Longville, MN
llongville, mn is 10 miles north of nowhere. 96.11% of the inhabitants are 100% redneck and 3.9% are native americans who can’t afford to move away. people born here believe they are superior to outsiders.
tourist season is may to labor day. the town fills with people called “citiots” (twin cities idiots) who visit their cabins and drink. the tourists pay the bills, yet the locals get p-ssed off because they have to work. locals hate citiots.
in winter “locals” rule; they drink & ride sleds, get inebriated while ice fishing, crunk & fight or just sleep together until they sober up. everyone is related to each other.
every wed in june through august, citiots with bratty kids pack downtown for turtle races using hopped up meth turtles that run like they are in nascar. every tourist with a wallet is expected to be in town leaving money to support the inhabitants drug habits.
there is no intelligence in longville, hence no schools. if you can mix a drink and cook up a batch of meth -you will likely be a huge success and held in high esteem by your neighbors, and have the right to be snooty, unfriendly and surly to outsiders (but happy about their money).
longville has a total area of 0.6 sq. miles, of which, 0.6 sq. miles of it is land and 0.04 sq miles of it (3.23%) is water. there aren’t a lot of reasons to visit this fly speck of geography; although the locals love to take your money and laugh at your family for vacationing in the mosquito, infested swamps they call home.
i went to longville, mn to race turtles and got drunk. then they beat me up and took all my money.
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