Management Drone

a facsimile of a manager who mindlessly follows orders from upper management regardless of how ridiculous, arbitrary, contradictory, or counterproductive they may be. if an employee attempts to point out the flaws in one of an md’s painfully short-sighted and dim-witted decisions, an md will either continuously repeat one of their several pre-programmed phrases until the employee gives up on the argument, or they will respond with only a blank stare that seems to say “error, file not found.” to say that a md is a puppet is to insult the freethinking and decision-making abilities of a puppet. md’s have absolutely no job-related skills or people skills. they are often seen wandering aimlessly among employees and customers. if asked for help, they will automatically find the nearest employee and make them help the customer so as to appear preoccupied and attempt to conceal their monumental incompetence. many times md’s will turn to employees for help with things that should in fact be required of management to know. they will also sometimes steal ideas of employees and make them their own usually after telling the employees the ideas were not feasible. they are the source of all miscommunication, stress, failures, and negativity in the workplace, yet are never fired. md’s can be found in nearly every major corporation and, like roaches, will probably never be totally eradicated. not to be confused with actual (good) managers.
md: hey, why isn’t bill here?
employee: why are you asking me? didn’t you make the schedule? if he called in it’s not like he’d talk to me, he’d have to talk to you.
md: but, where is he?
employee: i don’t know! anyway it doesn’t matter, he’s not here.
md: but he should be, shouldn’t he?
employee: i give up.

md: we’re going to put labels on the items we’re selling near this display.
employee: hey, i had that idea a month ago. you told me it would look tacky.
md: -blank stare-

md: i need you to stay late because we’re getting busy. you have to take a long lunch though so you don’t get any overtime.
employee: i wouldn’t have to do that if you’d let me go early when we’re not busy instead of giving me a bunch of meaningless busy work.
md: yeah… well we need you to stay late because we’re busy. you have to take–
employee: shut up! you’re the reason people get shot at work by disgruntled employees.

employee 1: there goes pete, isn’t he a manager?
employee 2: no, he’s just a management drone. get sherri, she’s an actual manager.

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