Marching Baritone
the heaviest hand-held instrument in the band. players of the marching baritone will go through the worst kind of h-ll for the first month or so of the season because of the twenty-pound vertical pull on their arm muscles that they didn’t even know they had. they often develop ptsd from the pain and wake up in the middle of the night with war-flashbacks from band camp. understandably, baritone marchers get h-lla p-ssed when trumpets complain about how heavy their instrument is because the baritone is a solid 10-15 pounds heavier. another drawback of the marching baritone is the bell size which, like the mellophone, completely f-cking blocks your forward vision so you can’t see the drum major 30% of the time. but despite the satanic training the baritones go through, they will have the fiercest of biceps at the end of the season. through the blood, sweat, and tears that they shed together the baritone section members have bonded to form a cult of trumpet-loathing herculeses. even though every baritone player has stated multiple times that they hate playing their instrument, none of them would give it up for the world. it’s definately a love-hate relationship that always ends up tipping more towards the loving side.
wow, that marching baritone has really good posture! -ten seconds later- aaaaand it’s gone.
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