Murphdiver
the undisputed ruler of murphnation. scholars have previously maintained that this individual was, in fact, a chick. in light of recent evidence this has, in fact, been proven false. murphdiver was apparently around when jesus christ allegedly cured a man from blindness; this information is misleading. murphdiver walked into the room and the pure brightness of his presence cured this man of all ailments, to include his s-xual diseases and apparent blindness. throughout history, many events have been credited to several supposedly-influential people. these are all ridiculously bogus. murphdiver has been directly responsible for all of history’s greatest triumphs and defeats. the holy roman empire once described this natural phenomenon as “murphus tempestas.” from this, the colloquialism “sh-t storm” was born. the universe as we know it was created in murphdiver’s bathroom after he had defecated into a large mixing bowl, upon which he subsequently -j-c-l-t-d. astrologists describe this as either one of two things: the big bang theory, or the collision theory. the choice is yours.
murphdiver spent the majority of one of his 6,798 lives in city of new orleans, louisiana. he now resides in shreveport, louisiana, where he can be found spending his time working on the mythical boeing b-52h stratofortress, watching lsu/new orleans saints football and drinking his holy elixir, budweiser light.
he is a benevolent ruler, though at times, history has shown that he has a propensity for “smacking b-tches around with his ring hand.” recent examples of this include the u.s. stock market, iraq and the global war on terrorism.
the tsunami that devasted the islands of indonesia was actually developed by the windstorm created as his flatulence. indonesia was just in the direction that he farted.
the great flooding that was thought to be caused by hurricane katrina was actually the result of a drunken rage in which murphdiver utilized a dark alley in uptown new orleans so that he could relieve his bladder. it is not his fault if several unknown people mistook this as “flooding,” or “water damage.”
in all, murphdiver is quite the amazing individual, and we should all be thankful that we’re allowed to live in such prosperity thanks to his mercy.
what the murphdiver giveth, the murphdiver taketh away.
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