my friend

1. a phrase that people use when they’re not actually your friend.

(see also: john mccain)

2. a phrase that people use when they are too embarr-ssed to admit they are talking about themselves.

3. a phrase that people use when they’ve actually forgotten your name.
1. “my friend, i didn’t spend five years as a pow just to see the terrorists get the best of us. and we can’t let my opponent get elected …or the terrorists win.”

2. “hey, i was just wondering… my friend went to vegas a couple weeks ago and got a really horrible rash on his junk after sleeping with a hooker, and he wants to see a doctor, but he’s afraid his wife will see the medical bill and start asking questions. what should he do?”

3. “h-llo, uhhh, my friend! how are you?”
synonymous with migrainous condition, phrase recognizes the intimate nature of recurrent throbbing headaches that have become part of daily living.
“my friend is back…i am bluer than the sky–hammers are pounding, my mind is exploding static electricity”
the beginning of every sentence john mccain makes
my friends, i’m an old fart and can’t run a country for sh-t. and if i could, i’d die in my first year in office.
your name by default if you walk into a shawarma joint
h-llo, my friend. what can i get you today, my friend? shish-taouk? perfect. that will be ten dollars, my friend. thank you my friend.
the little voices inside your head you have daily conversations with.
the voices inside my head are my friends. they tell me the most amazing things.
how to secretly code to call someone a mother f-cker in an email or txt conversation
thanks for more work, my friend!
what you call something that seems to want to get too close, too often. in the extreme case, it’s your ‘special friend’
d-mn! this pool chlorinator wants to be my friend!
(looks down, dog humping leg) i think vern’s dog wants to be my special friend.

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