Night Shits


the urgent need to sh-t late at night, typically waking the individual up from a deep sleep. this usually occurs between 1am and 4am. upon waking up, the individual will feel a heavy cramping in their stomach and will be forced to walk hunched over to the washroom, where they have an ungodly bowel movement. sitting hunched over on the toilet, the individual will typically be praying to g-d to either:
1. put a stop to the sh-ts after the next one emerges, or;
2. end their life rather than forcing them to endure another minute of this.
upon completion, the individual will feel somewhat better, but be forced to wipe with a significant amount of toilet paper.

the night sh-t continues once the individual returns to bed. immediately upon collapsing into their bed, the stomach will make a rumbling sound and the heavy cramped feeling will come back with a vengeance. this time, the individual may be forced to run back to the washroom. the same process then repeats itself. this time, the stomach will feel significantly better at the end.

night sh-ts are usually between 2 and 4 cycles of the above description.

note: not all sh-ts that take place at night are “night sh-ts” proper. they must conform to the above description. they are very rare, typically occurring between 1-3 times per year in the average individual.
person a: “you look tired today.”

person a: “it’s because i had a case of the night sh-ts last night. they kept me up for 2 hours.”

person b: “i thought you smelled like sh-t.”
when one wakes up in the middle of the night, having to take a m-ssive sh-t.
dimitri krokos woke up in the middle of the night and had to take a m-ssive night-sh-t.
the urgent need to defecate while you would otherwise be sleeping. conflicts with your usual daily bathroom schedule or regularity. frequently caused by abberation in diet, brief illness or other anomaly.
i had mexican food three days in a row and instead of reading in the bathroom at work i was up at 4:00a.m. with the night sh-ts.

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