north florida moody bear
not to be confused with any bears of the genus ursa. this borderline mythical creature has been known to haunt the isles of trader joes and other locations where overpriced groceries are sold to wealthy suburban whites. the north florida moody bear is known for it’s grooming behaviors including, but not limited to, its proclivity to spend excessive time in the bathroom to ensure it’s hair is immaculate. this is a highly social organism that is known to be extremely social, frequently they can be seen flirting with human females. while they often appear quite tame, domesticated even, don’t let your guard down as they will respond violently to anything that causes messes in their natural habitat. they have bizarre sleeping habits that result in often trying to sleep however very rarely actually succ-mbing to slumber. this species becomes most aggressive when awaken from its slumbers so it is advisable to never slam doors in it’s presence. this is an anomalous organism that has left biologist dumbfounded as it is sustained entirely by la croix, and frequently goes months without consuming anything else.
did you hear about jim?
no, what happened?
he died, he slammed a door outside of a north florida moody bears bedroom.
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