Numberwang


the following numbers are numberw-ng: 1, 22, 7, 9, 1002, 2.3, 15, 109876567, 31 etc.

and these numbers are not numberw-ng: 1, 11, 7, 9, 5667, 0.0009, 69, 5 etc.

there, that should clear that up for you.
the gameshow numberw-ng was won with the unlikely numberw-ng combination of 1 and 2.
the rules are fairly simple but the process for finding numberw-ng is nearly impossible. the process for finding numberw-ng used to take hours and hours to find because the formula was an entire 1400 page text book. now, finding numberw-ng is simple. you say a number that you think is numberw-ng and the numberw-ng robot, coloson, will answer for you. however during the early 1960’s apearance of coloson on tv, coloson decided to take over the world and said “i am numberw-ng, the world is numberw-ng, therefore i am the world!” the makers of coloson, who forsaw this event, installed a fail-safe. the only way to stop coloson was to show it a picture of a chicken. now coloson is kept in the bas-m-nt of the bbc tv center. numberw-ng is now a world phenomonon. it is on austrailian tv, new zealand tv and even american tv where instead of saying “thats numberw-ng!!” they say “yes, that is a number…”
{first tv numberw-ng}
host: good evening and welcome to a new piece of enlessness which we’re calling, numberw-ng.
miss. julia…

julia: 7

host: we’ll just have to check that with the boffins. was that numberw-ng?

boffin 1: it’ll take a few hours im afraid…

host: well, in the mean time, some music (hums british national anthem)

{later tv numberw-ng}

host robert robinson: ahhh, h-llo h-llo, welcome to numberw-ng with me robert robinson and the worlds first commercial numberw-ng solving computer, coloson

coloson: i am coloson

host robert robinson: indeed you are, round one will begin. miss julia to play first

julia: 7

host robert robinson: could it be numberw-ng? coloson?

coloson: no

host robert robinson: ahh, would that it were numberw-ng alas it is not.

{even later less boring numberw-ng}

host: round 2, fish numbers! julia?

julia: eel-even

host: lets ask coloson… where’s he gone? oh my g-d, coloson’s lose!

coloson: i am coloson, i am numberw-ng, the world is numberw-ng, therefore i am the world! you must all die! i am coloson, i am numberw-ng, the world is numberw-ng! (sees picture of a chicken) i obey!

(today’s numberw-ng)

host: hi and welcome to the maths game that simply everyones talking about! julia any pets?

julia: no

host: ok, simon?

simon: yes

host: great! any hobbies?

julia: yes

simon: no

host: exellent! lets play numberw-ng!! julia you start.

julia: 11

simon: 25

julia: 67

simon: 23

host: thats numberw-ng!! round 2, simon.

simon: 45

julia: 14

simon: 90

julia: 98

host: thats the numberw-ng bonus! lets rotate the board!
(the 2 contestants turn around on a turn table and some abstract thing like a news caster behind a desk or a dentist pulling someones teeth out is on the other side)

host: right! lets play w-ngernumb! julia.

julia: 19
(host shakes his head)
simon:16
(host shakes his head)
julia: 12
(host shakes his head)
simon: 4
(host looks anxious)
julia: 4
(host looks more anxious)
simon:4
(host looks even more anxious)
julia: (slight hesitation) 4?

host:ooo! you’ve just been w-ngernumbed! now simon gets a new car and you get beaten with an aluminium bat! (woman in sparkely dress comes from behind the turn table and starts h-tting julia with an aluminium bat.) thanks for watching numberw-ng!
the quiz show sketch on “that mitch-ll and webb look”.
that’s numberw-ng, scoff a number!

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