orland park

a suburb of chicago, located to the southwest of the city. orland park is viewed as a haven of rich, white, preppy kids. this is a rather unfair generalization, as most of its residents are middle-cl-ss, and the only reason people are seen as “rich” is because no one ever saves their money. splurge is the name of the game in orland park.

orland park is home to a very large cross-section of drug users and alcoholics. abuse of prescription drugs, like vicodin and adderal}, and non-prescription drugs like no-doz and robitussin, is fairly common among younger teens. illegal drugs such as marijuana and cocaine are quite prevalent in populace, as is ecstacy and lsd, much to the chagrin of the local police force, who tend to spend more time charging people with crimes pertaining to illegal substances. alcoholism is probably the most common vice, with several drunk driving arrests every week, with even more who don’t get caught. domestic abuse is also common, but goes largely unreported.

thieves and other such unsavory characters come from all around to shoplift from any of several hundred stores in the area. if they’re not black, they’re foreign (generally from the former soviet bloc countries), but are almost always poor.

many young people here are posers, be it scene posers, ghetto posers, or what have you. most of them will deny any affiliation, but are clearly trying to be part of something.

the terrible truth about orland park is that the “affluence” of the area (barely) hides the extraordinary amount of lowlives and petty criminals within.

apart from the foibles of it’s people, orland park is not really a bad place. it seems stagnated to long-time residents, but there are still plenty of things you can do around here. if you’re not able to have fun here, then you’re not far from someplace where the fun is. prices are ridiculous if you need gas or cigarettes, but since will county is so close, it’s easy to get around the high prices.

there is very little undeveloped land, most of it being commercial area. the undeveloped areas are either incapable of sustaining buildings, or is federally protected forest, or wetland. strip malls are abundant, but usually contain identical stores. there is no shortage of ways to lose your money here.
chicagoan: orland park people wish they lived here.
orlander: right, because i want all my stuff stolen and i wanna get shot.
chicagoan: that’s a stereotype.
orlander: so’s what you said.
orland park is actually a very f-cked up town, but the fact that it’s very affluent makes people who aren’t from orland park believe that it’s a great place to live. and in many ways, it is. it has great schools, shopping centers, recreation areas for people into sports and swimming, etc. for the most part, the houses are very nice, and definitely very pricey. it was actually rated as one of the best places to live in barron’s magazine or some sh-t.

however, orland park also has a little bit of a, how should i put this; a little bit of a drug problem. it seems like everybody and their mother is addicted to alcohol, cocaine, heroin, prescription drugs (adderall, vicodin, oxycontin, xanax). and it’s sad, because the youth of this town, (those aged 15-24) for the most part, have been given every opportunity to succeed. most kids in this town who have problems with drugs and alcohol have r-t-rded parents, and think that sending them to an expensive rehab facility is the answer to all their problems.

i don’t think the police have any idea about how bad the drug problem in orland park is. it’s not uncommon at all to be driving down the street and see guys and girls in their cars smoking weed, sniffing cocaine/heroin, drinking, etc. they do this sh-t like it’s legal; it’s f-cking crazy. it really is.

many, many kids from orland park kill themselves too. for whatever reason (probably because of these drug/alcohol related issues), orland park is a huge haven for teen/young adult suicides. and if they’re not shooting themselves in the head, hanging themselves, then they’re overdosing and dying that way. it’s not uncommon to have a friend who has died from suicide or a drug overdose in orland park. you might think, “well, those are just the f-ck-ups.” but that’s not the case. some of these kids were the smartest, most popular, best looking, and with the brightest futures imaginable.

orland park is not a really a small town, but it kind of is i guess. there’s quite a few people who live in orland park, (nearly 60,000) but nonetheless, it seems like everybody knows each other still. the six-degrees of separation is more like two-degrees of separation in orland park.

anyway, there are many people who aren’t currently orland park residents that look at this suburb as if it’s the place to live for anybody who wants to raise a nice family. many people strive to be able to afford a house in orland park because for the most part, homes will cost you between 400-450k, even the sh-tty ones. but be warned, orland park is the epitome of suburban youth gone wrong. it is the epitome of over-privileged youth taking every advantage of their privileged lives and running them into the f-cking ground. the drug problem is ridiculous. if you move here for your child to have a nice place to grow up, know up front that there’s a good chance he or she will do hard drugs. also, know that he or she will probably be an alcoholic. just don’t say i didn’t warn you.
john: man, i went to orland park last night. holy sh-t, they’re f-cked up.

matt: yeah, it’s f-cking crazy.

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