ornifornian
typically a dumbf-ck yuppie from south california’s urban areas who decided to move to the country, typically to f-ck up local industry, har-ss locals who hunt and fish, and thinks every tree is a precious one.
males typically are 5’6-5’9 90-120lbs and don resemblance to hipsterus domesticus (domestic hipster) and typically own subaru outbacks with heavy tints with lots of stickers, the male with the most stickers is the alpha douche which can be smelled from a mile away. it is said the dreadlocks grease of an alpha douche can lube treads on tracked vehicles to near silence. best harvested when they are stoned or they become hostile. this is also followed by typical socalist types of californian. most males tend to invade a sp-ce, har-ss anyone infringing on their peeing grounds, and mouth peaces for most ornifornians.
females range from 5’0 to 5’8 90lbs and b cup usually and typically similar to the male accept more mentally unstable typically chaining themselves to trees or crying naked covered in tomato soup to emulate whale abortion clinics. they tend to be more aggressive of the species and when nested will sp-wn crotch goblins which she uses as human shields in protest.
ornifornians were first spotted in 1982 in the “spotted owl movement and transplant migration” hence the portmanteau “orni” taken from “ornithology” the study of birds which they had a major b-n-r for and their birth pit known as california.
joe: “some guy just called me an owl hater and his wife shrieked at me like a banshee with a hot poker in its -ss covered in tomato soup something about owl abortion clinics. after i bought some shot sh-lls and jerky for next week.”
susan: “oh no,no,no…. i warned them….i told them all… did they listen? no they said they’ll never come here….well guess what….”
joe: “susan….you’re scaring me…what are you talking about?”
susan: “ornifornians…. quick, cut the internet burn the starbucks and do not and i repeat do not show up into town in camo….they make that a marker and follow you… and… then…they breed…”
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