Oswego

sh-t -ss city of under 20,000 on the edge of lake ontario. despite its historical successes, the city has evolved into slums galore and is now home to 3 area nuclear plants, mayors trading s-x with little girls for drugs and money, lending cars to girl-friends (btw mayor is married), teachers give kids back their weed and the school administrators deal meth. also, where the police chief is a grand larcenist. the only true fame to the city is it’s university which is the city’s only untouched “gem”
(linda) yo where can we get some really affordable housing…
(larry)oswego!
oswego is a small ghetto town of under 20,000. it’s right next to lake ontario and despite oswego’s prosperous history, is now a place where the old mayor offered drugs and alcohol to young girls in return for s-xual favors, where the only murder was a white guy killing another white guy, and where there are probably under 50 black people. the locals here often exclaim the word “mingya” which is sometimes pr-nounced “mankya” when they are upset or angry. mingya is an italian word used to refer to the groin. every 1 in 3 student will drop out of high school. there are slum houses everywhere. if you see shoes on a telephone wire, you know that there’s a drug dealer living close by. oswego is home to 3 nuclear plants. teachers are said to give kids back their weed, and the school administrators deal meth. the old police chief is a grand larcenist. oswego’s only pride is suny oswego. there are 3 types of people, natives, nukes, and college people. the nukes work in the nuclear plant and the college people work at the college. most of the kids here are in the high school band. the high school football team is terrible every year, no matter what. the only almost famous person from here is hockey star, eric cole. there are many people who’s parents smoked when they were little so they are deformed and somewhat mentally handicapped. climate is more snow than you can shake a stick at in the winter, and in the summer it’s hot.
mingya! my friend just lost the marching band compet-tion, better go look for some shoes on a telephone wire so i can buy something to cheer her up. oswego is pretty dangerous though, better go grab my bebe gun.
a gay cornfield in illinois that is all suburbs and the funnest thing to do is f-cking going to burger king. it is full of “gangstas” and many other tools. it is a place where if a kid has 80 bucks he’d probably buy some weed because there isnt sh-t to do around here
mom: hey bobby were moving to oswego

kid: why the f-ck do you lay this sh-t on me
a small disgusting place in central new york next to lake ontario. full of pedophiles and perverts. has a slum house on every block. oswego has 3 separate social castes; the natives, the nukes (those from elsewhere who work outages at the 3 nuclear power plants) and the “college people” (those from elsewhere who go to or teach at oswego state college). native caste includes slugs, dirtbags, satan worshiping -ssholes and the goombas. run by known criminals most of whom are goombas. natives tend to use the words: boughten, tooken, melk (translation: milk), make-ya (who knows, it’s suppose to be something in goomba possibly mingya) and wicked, in conversation. natives also known as woodchucks and exhibit very high incidents of mental health illness. the other castes tend to avoid natives at all costs and stick to themselves. climate is gray, dank, rainy, snowy and all around sh-tty.
that woodchuck from oswego had boughten sour melk at walmart, could’ve tooken it back, but it was snowing too wicked much to go. make-ya!
oswego is a small town…. nothing special… there are pot heads reserved in specific areas around town that you can easily avoid, and if you don’t pay any attention to them they just swear and walk away in a squiggly line (seriously). there’s a band/orchestra/chorus program that almost everyone’s in and usually the concerts are… not too good. at the oswego high school there are the standard social cl-sses; the preps, jocks, freaks, goths, pot heads, and that all around sk-nks also know as the dirty kids that no one wants to even go near. the princ-p-l there cries… constantly, although it isn’t true that the teachers give back weed. ’09 on the last day of school there were food fights that made headline news and reptiles were let loose in the school; what could possibly have gone wrong. the mayor has said that he “wants” to fix the problems in oswego and we all know that it’s never going to happen! for example the homeless people who wander at night (very creeper). the weather sucks! winter for 6 months, spring for 3 months where you’re walking in mud constantly, and summer for maybe 2 months if you’re lucky. as a positive, during the fall the college campus is beautiful and since oswego is right on the lake the sunsets aren’t too bad either, and if you’re up at the lake rudy’s is a great fish/grill place. other than that to sum everything up oswego is the world’s sh-thole. some people argue that global warming is from car emssions; nope, it’s from all the pot heads in oswego.
(college kids just ended their semester)
kid 1: hey what do you wanna do?
kid 2: i dunno. where’s the best weed?
kid 1: get in the car
kid2: where are we going?
kid 1:oswego
here are some of the dirty details about the ghetto that 20,000 people call home:

1) most of the kids are in the highschool band.
2) everyone drives a hyundai.
3) there are only like 6 black people, and they’re doctors.
4) the first/last/only murder to ever occur here was a white guy killing another white guy.
5) everyone owns their house.
6) everyone goes to north/south carolina or florida for vacation.

as you can see, life is really hard around here.
white kid: “yeah, oswego is so dangerous, i carry a glock, well, it’s not really a glock, it’s a pellet gun that only looks like a glock, i got it for yom kippur.”