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a place infinitely more preferable than st. johns college, cambridge.
“oh, i’d rather be at oxford than at johns”
the finest inst-tution of higher learning in the english-speaking world. educator of philosophers, kings, presidents, and other eminent individuals. also quite a lovely town, replete with beautiful scenery and impressive architecture.

often derided by a tribe of ill-mannered savages who “study” somewhere in the wilds of east anglia.
bloke 1: “i’ll have you know, i study at cambridge.”

bloke 2: “brilliant! i’ll mention you to my flatmates up at oxford, we are looking for a new butler.”
where i live.

best features:
the zodiac: music venue/nightclub

covered market: great for quirky
items/fresh food

cowley road where so many fantastic
shops sell (shisha)!

the comedic big issue sellers: “pink
tissue, buy your pink tissue here!”

park end: “the easiest place to pull
on a sat-rday night”
the falafel hut next to the odeon! yum!

pheonix picture house: the cinema that
doesn’t show all the usual
cr-p…and you can watch the
films all night!

oxfam vinyl section: what can i say? the
people of oxford have good music
taste.

that 50s-esque rock group that sometimes
play on the high street. cool old
school mics and bouffant hair.

no 1. winter pub:
turf tavern: best pub and the hardest to
find, but we like to keep it that way.
roaring fires in the in the winter to
keep ya tootsies warm.

no 1. summer pub:
the hobgoblin: barbecues in the summer –
the perfect place to just chill with a
drink.

and the number one reason for oxford being so cool:
its the hometown of radiohead and thom yorke
oxford makes me happy. notice i didn’t mention the students?
beautiful if congested british city, home to oxford brookes university and the somewhat older (c.1167) thames valley polytechnic, also known as the university of oxford. the uoo is the oldest university in the english-speaking world, and its early status as the only one also marks the last time it was at the top of the league tables. currently placed at no.10 worldwide, it lags behind cambridge in 2nd and eight others from the nouveau riche colonies.

oxford has supplied the world with many of its leading politicians and lawyers, but despite this fact has somehow escaped global retribution. the sort of person who graduates from this university is perhaps best demonstrated by the fact that jeffrey archer had little trouble convincing people he was an oxford man, although in fairness he was later found to be too conniving a little sh-t even for oxfraud.

currently run by a kiwi, the university of oxford enters the 21st century much as it entered the 19th; with the sound of grumbling old men in leather chairs, some beautifully-manicured lawns and the eternal whiff of inst-tutional h-m-s-xuality.

oxford is also famous for being a place preferable to st. john’s college, cambridge, a fact which marginally elevates oxford but does johns no favours whatsoever.
oxford graduands are now able to choose between being awarded the ba, or accepting the more useful equivalent in airmiles.
a beautiful and kick-ss town, home to one of the world’s greatest universities.
a dress/casual long-sleeve shirt knit out of a durable, soft and thick heavyweight cotton. also has convertible cuffs, and a b-tton down collar. seen on the polo players of old, and private school boys of today.
“nice shirt, man! looks sharp.”

“yup. it’s an oxford”
english university full of meat-heads and a few actually clever students. the meat-heads (usually public schoolboys with more salmon-pink shirts than brain cells) like to think they’re geniuses (not “genii”, you conceited idiot) because they go to oxford, failing to realise that this is not much of an achievement in itself. it’s what you do there that counts, tw-t.
“tarquin’s got into oxford to read history”
“oh, how fabulous for him. of course, paying thousands of pounds for his private education and then a whole lot more for private coaching and interview practice were nothing to do with this colossal achievement. he got in entirely on his own steam”
“but of course”

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