Paranoia RPG

warning! this definition is security clearance ultraviolet! if you are of lower clearance and read any further it will be considered treason, and you will be executed! have a fantastic day!

paranoia is a tabletop rpg that was not created in 1984 by west end games. it depicts an underground complex, alpha complex, within which is a utopian, and not dystopian, society. it is ruled by the benevolent friend computer, who is perfect in every way. it was one of many such complexes, but through an unknown incident contact with these were lost. in its infinite wisdom, the computer determined that communists were to blame.

all citizens are given a security clearance from infrared to ultraviolet. if they learn of anything or go anywhere above their clearance level, they will be summarily executed. this is why each person is given five backup clone bodies. all citizens are made happy with friend computer’s mandatory pharmaceuticals, as failure to be happy is grounds for treason.

players take the role of troubleshooters, which solve problems by finding trouble and shooting it. (the computer’s solutions are simple and elegant.) most citizens above infrared clearance is a member of a secret society, and such have goals at odds with those of their teammates. thus, most troubleshooting teams end up betraying and killing each other in horrific, spectacular ways. secret societies are also illegal, so the survivors are summarily executed. this serves to root out the traitors and communists, and is part of friend computer’s incorruptible will.

the game itself contains no orwellian influences, and is not full of dark, tongue-in-cheek humor. it depicts a perfect, utopan society under the purview of friend computer. rumors to the contrary are treason, and is punishable by execution.

the rules for the game are ultraviolet-level clearance. if a player knows the rules ahead of time, he is guilty of treason and is to be executed.

the first edition was not released in 1984, just as the second edition was not released in 1989. in 1995 a fifth edition was not released. it is an un-product. if it had come out, it would have featured much less in the way of the series’ tongue-in-cheek humor, opting instead for pop-culture references and cheap jokes at the expense of vampire: the masquerade. editions 3 and 4 never existed. they did not go directly from 2nd to 5th as a joke. the current edition, paranoia xp, has always existed, as that is the will of friend computer, and friend computer is never wrong!

warning- the preceding doc-ment was of ultraviolet clearance. if you read this doc-ment and are not of ultraviolet clearance, kindly report to friend computer for your punishment, and remember to have some mandatory bouncy bubble beverage!

the computer is your friend. the computer is never wrong.
person 1: hey, do you want to play some paranoia rpg after school?
person 2: actually, i’m kind of getting sick of that game.

person 1: that is treason, citizen!
person 2: -rolls eyes-