Pennsylvania

better than your state. sure, the roads suck, but not as bad as parts of kentucky. sure, the people can be dumb, but not as dumb as in alabama. sure, the weather sucks, but not as badly as it does in alaska. yeah, okay, it’s a little rural, and you have to buy your liquor in state stores, and there’s no beaches, but at least we’re not west virginia. or iowa.

plus, the amish are cool, we make ketchup and chocolate, the steelers used to be a decent team, and hey! we’ve got a town called intercourse.
pennsylvania has intercourse. your state doesn’t.
the only place in the u.s. in which no matter how small a town is, there will always be at least two bars, even if there is not one other business.
no matter where you are in pennsylvania, you can at least get a drink, even if you can’t buy gas or groceries.
like most states, pennsylvania has two large cities and the rest is dotted with small hick towns.

the four seasons in pennsylvania are:

1. almost winter
2. winter
3. still winter
4. construction
where else but pennsylvania can you freeze to death in the winter and die of heat stroke in the summer?
literally meaning “penn’s woods” but better defined by democratic political strategist james carville as “philadelphia in the east, pittsburgh in the west and alabama in the middle!” middle of the state jokingly referred to as “pennsyltucky”. home of perpetual road construction and an important swing state in national politics. powerball lottery state. actually kinda nice.
if you want to win the white house, you must make a strong effort to win pennsylvania.
a powerful state in the eastern portion of the country. the keystone state is made up of pennsylvania proper and its external territories of delaware and southern new jersey (hey, it has a friggin’ sinister looking keystone as its logo). the state is divided into three regions: 1.philadelphia/east, 2. pittsburgh/west, and the t- a solid gop controlled, rural territory that is reminiscent of everywhere in ohio outside of cleveland. this state has the dubious distinction of having possibly the sh-ttiest roads in the nation. from farting around outside uniontown to the ’40’s era pa turnpike, you will never find sh-ttier roads anywhere else. also famous for being the home of the delcaration of independence, the const-tution, heinz ketchup, and freaky place names like eighty-four, conshoshc-ckton, and king of prussia (named for a bar).
i was lucky to survive that trip on the pa turnpike.
a state in the northeastern united states. one of the first states. its major cities are philadelphia in the east and pittsburgh in the west. central pa is filled with beautiful countryside and the capital, harrisburg, also to several amish farms (go to lancaster if you want to see a good example). although pa doesn’t have the best roads in the country, it is full of beautiful scenery and friendly people. it is also where our nation began. the declaration of independence was signed in philadelphia, the nation’s first capital, on july 4th, 1776. other significant states to see if you like american history would be m-ssachusetts and virginia, correct me if i missed one. i don’t know much about pittsburgh, i apologize, so could someone from pittsburgh back me up?
i have lived in pennsylvania all my life and plan to stay here if i don’t go down south.

go flyers!!!!

in congress, july 4, 1776
the unanimous declaration of the thirteen united states of america

“when in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to -ssume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s g-d ent-tle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.”

suck on that, california (and florida too)
a nice state on the east coast. pennsylvania is divided into three sections..

1.) philadelphia and the east are filled with snotty wasps and j-ps who think that they’re sooo new york.
2.) pittsburgh and the west are filled with ethnic people with hard work ethics (from old steel mill/coal mine days).
3.) central is an endless piece of nothing, filled with mountains (the appalachian trail), and penn state fans.

the suburbs of philly are by far the nicest places in the state, and even on the east coast. drexel hill, gladwyne, and wyomissing are the best of course.

the roads do suck, it’s true, but if you put out the money to attend one of the many private or prep schools in the area, the education you’ll receive is top shelf.

and you can buy alcohol on sundays. also home to the second biggest mall in the country, king of prussia. (named after -gasp- the king of prussia).
hey, we’re not all amish… just lancaster!

←