Performance Review

a process where some c-nt you’re forced to spend far too much time with sits you down and wastes an hour of your life every year telling you how wonderful they are and how rubbish you are in order to justify their own meaningless existence and make them feel powerful.

the degree of sh-t you’ll receive generally depends on how well you’ve covered up the c-nt’s mistakes over the year and also depends on how brown your tongue is from -ss licking over the year.

to be treated with utter contempt unless you are a brown tongued -ss licker in which case you can f-ck off. ps your colleagues hate you.
manager: it’s time for your performance review

employee: woo! i can’t wait for this valuable loopback session!

fast forward for an hour:

manager: so in summary, you’ve met all of your objectives all year and been a key member of the team. we’re not giving you a pay award however as you’ve had a haircut that was outside of our dress code and appearance policy and took a day off when your father died and expected to be paid for it.
a chance for others less capable than yourself to get their own back
i worked my -ss off for six months on that project and delivered on time and on budget but in my performance review all my boss could do was critique my soft skills.
when seth rogen comes to your workplace and asks you to take him through your typical day at work.
“mr. samberg, thanks for coming to your performance review.”
“no problem.”
“so you’re in charge around here, is that fair to say?”
“absolutely! i’m da bawz.”
a chance for others less capable than yourself to get their own back
i worked my -ss off for six months on that project and delivered on time and on budget but in my performance review all my boss could do was critique my soft skills.