Pew Grenade

yet another weapon in the pew -rs-nal. not unlike the pew gun and pewzooka, this weapon is reserved for toolbags including, but not limited to, frat guys, whipped boyfriends, sorost-tutes, non-drinkers, and otherwise fruity individuals. in instances where the pew gun is not strong enough for any particular t-rdbucket, or for a group of -ssclowns, the simplicity of the pew grenade is key. rather than shoot the pew gun at someone with your hand, mimic the movement of pulling the pin of a grenade out with your mouth, and then throw the imaginary but devastatingly powerful weapon at your target of choice. a lengthy “pew” sound should be yelled, and then a quicker and louder one to signify the flight and loud explosion of a grenade. some may question the use of the pew grenade, claiming the pewzooka to be sufficient for large groups or fans of laguna beach. those people should be pew grenaded for thinking that. pew grenades are flashy and effective.
gus: yo kev, do you have any sandpaper?
kevin: no… why?
gus: i wanted to use it on my jeans, i saw on laguna that they do that to rip their jeans and it gives it a more retro look, like maybe i didn’t do it on purpose.
kevin: (busts out the pew gun) pew pew pew!
gus: shut up man, faded and ripped is in! by the way, do you want to share a fuzzy navel with me?
kevin: (pulls pin and throws pew grenade) pppppppeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww pew!
gus: whatever man.