pilates

a form of torture created by pontius pilate, the man who crucified the savior. it’s not as easy as you might think. st. paul was certified in pilates and advanced spin. the original 12 wanted to emphasize diet (bread, wine, omega 3s from fish oil, etc.) this caused quite a schism as you might imagine. this went on for awhile, until the serfing craze caught on with the barbarian invasion of ringo, george, cedric, and dagobert.
after the crucifixion,a lot of fitness buffs tried to jump on the band wagon so pilate was forced opened a gym (pilates fitness, inc.) at the local coliseum and hire some trainers. the gold members were given the “martyr” card.
the latest set of exercises that can make you look really good if you work at them dilligently and suffer through some pain, but are marketed as “easy” and “fun” in books and videotapes for the 25-50 female crowd.
aerobics and weights and yoga all failed, but pilates has this weird sounding name so maybe it’s different and will work.
a group of pirates that speak engrish.
oh my! the pilates have raided my house and written mistranslated obsceneties all over my walls!
1. governor of judea.
2. fictional character from mel gibson’s p-ssion of the christ.
2. member of a subversive movement that seeks to undermine the traditional naming of years in relation to christ’s life (i.e. bc and ad to bce and ce).
3. guy who b-tchslapped christ, but not literally (i.e. other romans actually did the b-tchslapping for him).
1. hey look, there’s that roman guy pilate washing his hands compulsively.
2. guy who wishes he had used the stock option instead of salary pay in his film contract.
3. pilate: ya, ok, the son of g-d? christ? you sure have some nerve calling yourself that. tony, biagio, get this guy outta here.
some cool canadian band that has a really soft sound.
pilate rocks. what was the dude about smoking?
a chinese pirate.

pr-nounced: pie-leht! (exclamation mark very important.)

15th century chinese pirates : bad–ss mothers pwning ming dynasty trading ships and making everyone their b-tches.

21st century chinese pirates : predominantly inbred layabouts taking a back seat to somali fishermen-come-terrorists. the somali pirates however have a lot to learn when negotiating with the u.s. navy – u.s. navy snipers 3, somali pirates 0.

common misconception: the term pilot involves flying aircraft and has nothing to do with being a ‘pilate!’. airborne piracy is notoriously difficult and if you fall overboard, it is often a long way down. on the plus side you do not need to learn how to swim. ever.
“d-mn you, you yellow bellied pilate!”