Pocket drifting

pocket drifting is when your phone does things against your will or knowledge while in your back pocket. these things are a result of the complex manipulations of your rump, gait, and sitting movements. the results can be incredible, hard-to-believe, annoying, harmless, pernicious, serendipitous, frustrating or embarr-ssing. for example, you might accidentally text gibberish to the one person in your contact list that you’ve been trying to avoid for weeks, or you might unknowingly run up your phone bill by calling people outside of your plan. pocket drifting is a term that encomp-sses others, including, ‘pocket browsing’, ‘pocket calling’, ‘pocket comment’, ‘pocket dialing’, ‘pocket mail’ and so on.
“i heard you and jennifer are gonna hang out tomorrow. i thought you were trying to avoid her.”
“ugh, yeah, but my phone pocket drifted, texting her, which struck up a correspondence which should’ve never happened. ”
“d-mn—well–something like that–you prolly deserve it.”

“hey, where’d you get that sweet helmet?”
“i actually bought it by accident. i was watching it on my ebay app, but while i was working my phone pocket drifted and committed me to buying it. it’s okay though, ‘cause i was just looking for a sign to buy it.”
“oh wow.”

“hey man, why the f— were you b-mpin’ your whack-a– ringtone in cl-ss?! don’t you know how to silence your phone? you looked like a complete a–hole. it’s only fair the prof kicked you out.”
“that wasn’t my ringtone–i don’t know what the h-ll it was. my phone must’ve been pocket drifting. by the way, i do know how to silence my phone; it might be a smart phone, but it’s not smarter than me.”
“i think it just mirked you, so it really might be smarter than you.”
“sh!t!”