Podunker

podunkers also known as “bubba” how they came to exist…well little is known about the origins of the first podunkers. legend has it that they were supposed to be in the garden of eden with adam and eve. but, they got drunk, beat each other up and were to stupid to find their way to where they were supposed to be. in between hang-overs, they sobered up and decided to stay where they were. they named it wisconsin. podunkers eventually fanned out across the united states, but the dumbest ones remain in wisconsin simply because
a) they were to stupid to follow a map
b) they couldn’t find a way to get their favorite bar to fit in the u-haul
c) in this there original domain they feel as if they had a “squatters rights” podunker queen and kings. legends in their own brainless minds.
then the podunkers huddled amongst each other…and decided what the poudunkers values and morals would be…well, podunkers do not like mary jane wanna smokers. podunkers say it is “breaking the law” witch would carry some merit if most of them did not say it while driving drunk to the bar to buy an underage podunker cousin some alcohol. a podunker can sit in side his house with stolen stop sighs, rail road signs and ext….drunk off his -ss all the while telling his buddy that “pot heads” are stupid. they will down grade and talk bullsh-t about pot smokers…sometimes they will do this with a beer in one hand and the other arm around the shoulder of a child molester or a rapist. yes, they reason- he did probably do it but by g-d he did it with a clear head and wasn’t all “buzzed” up from that there mary jane wanna…thank g-d..good to know he was tapped in to his good old boy morals. oh yeah besides that she was a wh-r- anyways…
what a podunker eats??? anything and when drunk anyone.
now how to spot a podunker…the male species have brown teeth and a b-mp on the bottom lip…also known as “chew”. all sport the same haircut, wear t-shirts with the sleeves cut off, big belt buckles and pants that come up to their arm pits…and that are so tight i can’t help but to wounder..where the f-ck is the junk..g-d no wounder she-beast podunkers are so p-ssed off.
oh yeah and they all wear a boot called “ropers”. they all feel special because they wear ropers….no one is smart enough to figure out that everyone even the grandma’s are wearing them also. she-beast podunkers all wear their hair in pony tails. most wear straight legged jeans reminisced of the seventies. they have been known to still were blue eye shadow, witch is confusing since they stopped making the stuff in 1979. the darker blue eye shadow upon closer inspection usually turns out to be a black eye/love tap from a he podunker when his b-tch misplaces his prized ropers or when she forgets to stock the house with coors light.
she-beast podunk women are rarely seen smiling. an occasional “yee-haw” has been known to happen when gretchen wilson is heard singing “i’m a red-neck woman”.
podunkers also pick their noses. not uncommon to see a whole fist jammed in there.
when they do smile it is usually proceeded with a “fart”. even if a podunker is smiling, approach them cautiously – rarely is it because they are happy. it’s just because they are stupid.
you can also recognize a podunker when you hear the plaintive cry of “get er done”. don’t bother to ask what they are “getting done”…they don’t have a f-cking clue…that is all for now i shall be back after some more note taking.
podunkers hate me because i am not white trash.