Pootersnatch
a legendary cryptid believed to reside in the northern united states. although unconfirmed, is believed to resemble a tall-statured ellen degeneres. supposedly docile unless firecrackers explode while the pootersn-tch makes stool. reported sightings include observing the pootersn-tch performing naked snow angels, and in one isolated case, begging for a trip to the hospital. according to the interviewee, the pootersn-tch did not appear to be wounded.
“dude, why the h-ll is there a condom in my birdfeeder!?”
“not sure man, the pootersn-tch must have been through last night.”
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