pop-tart poisoning

the invariable result if one consumes both of the toaster pastries contained in a standard-size mylar pouch of kellogg’s pop-tarts in a short time period (i.e. “one sitting”). note that this only applies to varieties that are coated with frosting and a healthy individual should be able to consume both pastries in one sitting if they are not of the frosted variety.

pop-tart poisoning would be considered a special-case of the type of temporary hypoglycemia that results from excessive intake of sugar. the most prevalent symptoms include abdominal pain, nausea, lethargy and possibly headache.

the term is not intended to be specific to pop-tart consumption and overindulgence of any one source of simple carbohydrates can be the cause. this is important: in order for the symptoms to be attributable to pop-tart poisoning, it must be caused by only one food product.
dude 1: “man, how can it be considered a single-serving if i feel like sh-t every time i make the mistake of eating an entire regular package of skittles?” (2.17 ounce single-serving package)
dude 2: “why does one feel like they’re dying if they eat a packet of pop-tarts in one sitting? that’s the enigma of pop-tart poisoning, my friend! processed food companies are in bed with the healthcare industry!”